My "Other Mother"

A very close friend of mine passed away last week. I was asked to write something...and as usual, I was about to panic as the day of the funeral drew nearer, but I managed to come through at the last minute. Here's what I wrote in her guest book on-line at the State Journal Register:

The profound grief we feel now is unexplainable.
The tears aren't.
She touched my life in so many beautiful ways.
Always praising, scolding, mothering, loving unconditionally.
Who of us can say that she didn't have some kind of impact on our lives.
Her relatives, her friends.
She taught me valuable life lessons.....and here's what I learned:

I LEARNED
Where I fit in
Oop, her wonderful husband, always said I was the daughter he never had. Although she never said those exact words, she was like a second mother to me. Although I love my mother, there were just some things that you didn't want to discuss with your Mom.

I LEARNED
The value of family
The precious moments spent with your children
That she loved her sons and granddaughters
John, Jimmy, Calli and Jordan
That she loved any and ALL children
no matter their race, economic background or cleanliness.
ALL children were beautiful in her eyes.
Although she always said she couldn't tell what Angie, my first daughter, looked like because of the pacifier permanently affixed to her mouth

I LEARNED
That she would always be there, through the good times, the not so good times, through the birth of 6 babies. Babies who she said were the most beautiful babies on this earth....and you believed her. Through times of sorrow, times of great happiness, weddings, more babies, new jobs, new houses, new boyfriends, new girlfriends, new husbands and wives..first cars, first motorcycles........new beginnings. It was Hilde who we all wanted to share those things with....First.

I LEARNED
Patience, understanding, tolerance...frugality. Now lets talk a little about the frugality. Oop would say that she still had the first dollar she ever earned. She was the master penny pincher, the master haggler. Everything thing I learned about garage sales was from her. She taught me.....you had to get up at the crack of dawn, you had to turn people away from your front door before the sun came up, you had to watch people dig through your valuable possessions....even though they were only marked a quarter. You had to watch ladies try on the sweater that you really didn't want to get rid of in the first place.

I LEARNED
How to love my children...more
I often reprimanded my older children Nick, Mike and Angie and later my 3 youngest daughters Halee, Ashlee and Kylee, and the countless others who would play in her yard and house, dripping Popsicle juice all over her floor, yelling at the tops of their little voices. When I got irritated at the noise, she'd say...Don't yell at them...that's "happy noise."

I LEARNED
how to make fresh side
how to defrost hamburger in my new microwave
how to cook a roast to perfection
how to make a delicious cake

I LEARNED
that I already knew how to do all of those things,
not the side, but I just loved spending time with her

I LEARNED
to shop at Kmart, Steinberg Baums and Aldi's..
NOT Bressmers, Myers Brothers and Jewel
how to stretch a dollar
how to make a meal out of hamburger and a box of rice
You have to cook the rice first, right Wanda?? (my wonderful ex-mother in law)

I LEARNED
how to take care of a puppy
how to dodge Misty, Queenie, and the countless other yippy, heel biting mutts who would always inevitably hate me.....
how to deal with the death of those animals.
Boots comes to mind first. Laying in the road.....
rain pouring down on the tarp where he took cover..the old man tired of life.

We all have so many memories of this amazing woman.....some of them very funny. Here's are the ones that I'm willing to share:

The digital watch that she thought was broken until my husband, Hank, turned it towards her...rightside up...now it said 7:33 instead of EE7.
The panty hose that crept down her legs during John's wedding reception.
The dishtowel that caught on fire after she threw it on a lit burner...
which we then had to hide from Oopy.
Her love affair with One Eyed Jack,
The off color conversation at Bunco, where us younger girls would have to explain...ummm....things that you usually don't discuss with your elder relatives.
Her first car ride with my son Nick.....white-knuckling it around Bunn Park; then telling him what a good driver he was. That's a whole other story.

I will miss you, my friend, my other mother, my confidante......I received a hilarious email this morning. I wanted to start your day off with a joke to make you smile. I reached for the phone; you're not there. I will miss you unequivocally, reverently, quietly and with the utmost love and admiration.

From the daughter you never had but always will,

Linda Yung Stoutamyer